On Libraries or Parties
Get bent, I like both-depending
There’s a question in Simon Baron-Cohen’s Autism Quotient scoresheet that goes:
“Do you prefer Libraries or Parties?” (also phrased as Museums or a Theatre)
For all the pearl-clutching descriptions I’ve read regarding Autistic rigidity and binary thinking patterns, why is the entire thing written like this? Are you trying to appeal to me? Why aren’t you explaining everything, its important right? “Oh, you just need to answer directly, don’t overthink it”
Me? Overthink? Never.
I might change my mind on this in the future deciding it’s not worth my time to pick on, but I really wonder how this line of questioning is relevant because of how shallow it is to me. I shouldn’t be surprised though, given that observers were shook when Autistic kids prioritized patterns in hats over facial expressions. (Warning for use of R-word from 1987)
The AQ is a psychometric, self report that is used to identify Autistic traits in adults who are/were regarded as HF-high functioning-terminology that is now outdated*. Despite this, it is still used colloquially and clinically, “functioning” being in reference to the the Full Scale Intelligence Quotient and its parameters.
The AQ was the first online screener I found and took. I scored 22, 4 points below the threshold for Autism. Yeah, obviously, I thought. Autism is serious. You know you have it when you’re a kid. This was my thinking-and limit of understanding-barely a year ago. The reality was I didn’t understand some questions which muddled my score, because I ~surprise~ took some of them literally.
The AQ was also administered in my assessment. While it was weighed with everything, it made up a fraction of what my Dr. gathered and subsequently diagnosed me upon. My results falling in ‘some consistency with ASD’ while in other, more targeted questionnaires my scores range between moderate (CARS 2-HFA) and severe (SRS-2).
When I think of this binary of Libraries or Parties my answers are contextual. I have attended both libraries and parties with equal enthusiasm. Despite my black and white thinking, you’d be pressed to get a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer out of me because my reaction to single word questions will always be, “that depends”. Do you mean to inquire about noise or quiet? Or is it burrowing for sociability versus isolating tendencies…
I have also worked in libraries and party settings. Answering through this lens my response is definitively Libraries. But why?
Working in hospitality on and off for ten years was the worst, uninformed choice I ever made in my life. I loved the sheltered experience of cooking school. Investigating the art and science of food was a joy, even though time based problem solving was incredibly stressful, my brain liked the puzzles and pursuit of perfection. Stepping outside into the real world of orders was different. Fast-paced physical and mental multitasking, catering events and social exposure was a disaster. In my very first interview for a cooking gig, I misinterpreted the entire interaction. The chef said I hit all the points he was looking for; I thought I had missed them all. I was too embarrassed and confused to work for him since this was our initial experience.
My first job ever was in high school working at my local library. I had been a regular since I was a kid, completely obsessed with the idea of employment solely to use the sticker machine for check-outs. This was in the 90s, when library computers had green text on a black background and the click-shoomp sound the due date sticker made, enchanted my little ears. No barcode scanning in existence here. I’d watch the ladies’ hands marking the books for their return with all their different handling styles. Some would chat and stick, others shot right through it. Some aligned them, others went rogue with haphazard placement. If I was not checking books out myself, I could tell who put the date on them by how they stuck the stickers.
Unfortunately when I was hired, I discovered the sticker gun was reserved for those in the upper realms of Librarian hierarchy-not for lowly Pages. Pages were to be seen and not heard and I took it upon myself to be the embodiment of invisible. Like the time I was organizing the YA section near the washroom and had to listen to someone’s explosive diarrhea because I needed to hit my assigned tasks before I could leave. I was a ghost in the stacks, sacrificially breathing in poop air so I could make it out of work without doing unpaid overtime.
Sinking into the walls wasn’t my only qualification for being a library page, I also knew the alphabet. Not as well as some I worked with, because I didn’t know how the hell people knew what letters came before and after one another without reciting it out loud and in full.
I was trained on the dewey decimal system which blew my fucking mind at how strategic, smart and obvious it was. I think it was one of the things I picked up super fast despite it being number based. Probably because it wasn’t abstract concepts. It’s clear, direct and immoveable. In fact, you move any part about it, your book may be lost forever.
My pace was slow and noticed as people had to pick up my ‘slack’. It didn’t matter how hard I pushed myself, I needed my fingers to count, could do zero mental math or letter organization. If I didn’t do my system within the system, it would fall apart. My shifts consisted of me whispering the alphabet, finger counting and being left alone in a building that required silence. No wonder I thought work wasn’t bad. Knowing how my report showed up 20 years later with marked issues on working memory, executive function and learning disabilities, I’m glad I didn’t care enough to fix my pace for the sentinels coveting the sticker machine.
So, back to the dichotomy. Libraries or Parties. I think a better line of questioning would be about Stimulations, maybe? Environmental overload? I don’t want to take on the speculative labour of re-doing the AQ. Because firstly, Who am I? Secondly, as much as I begrudge it I have little concept for how it actually works, psychometrically, as a clinician would. Maybe the entire premise isn’t faulty but just isn’t as nuanced or well designed as it could be. I also concede this was created in 2001-22 years ago and 12 years before the DSM-5. Which sort of asks, is this strongly representative of a portion of the Autistic population since our knowledge has grown and continues to do so? I guess they have to be reductive in certain lines of questioning or else everything would take all day.
My reasoning for this post was to provide information and promote brief inquiry regarding my maybe questionable stance on the AQ. But really, I hope your takeaway is how I was robbed of the glory of sticking stickers on books.
*In 2013 the concept of Functioning Labels in Autism came into question with the DSM-V changes, collapsing PDD-NOS, GDD, Rhett’s, CDD & Aspergers into one: Autism Spectrum Disorder, with corresponding support levels.
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I totally get your frustration with those kinds of questions. They’re so oversimplified, and for us, things are rarely that black and white. It’s like they’re trying to fit us into neat little boxes when our experiences are so much more nuanced. The whole Libraries vs. Parties thing feels almost insulting because it doesn't capture the complexity of what we might actually prefer in different contexts.
And yeah, the AQ being so rigid and outdated is pretty frustrating too. It's like, we've come so far in understanding autism, but some of these tools still feel stuck in the past.